Can We Hang On

I just want you to know how much you’ve helped me by meeting you in this life. I’m not sure you know how much I respect you though. It may not look like it but this is a start. It turns out that we can make massive changes if we put our minds to it. If I tell you everything I’ve got in me, then I will be letting out my secret won’t I, but I’m always on the fence. I must point out though I’m always super nervous when certain aspects are of interest, those that have you squarely in the mix. I may not have the guts to say much, but in Latin “res ipsa loquitur.” If I take the literal translation without configuration of its in-depth meaning in the legal profession. Then the thing speaks for itself. 

With a clearer awareness of personality, I must say, you have the most original personality. I should be super bonkers not to see that. If I’m looking for something to move me, I should look no more, you are remarkable in ways I cannot believe. If I was to stand at a distance from everyone else. Eyeing each and what they do from the neutrality of the centre of my mind, regardless, my point of focus would be you. If I’m looking to change my life over and over again, I need the connection. But I understand how difficult it may be. I hold the opinion, balanced people are boring. I’m imbalanced so I believe they think the same for my situation. And by extension, I would not exclude you from such diagnosis of myself, which is entirely not your fault. 

I’m a person of means, so I don’t like to gamble. My background doesn’t miss. I come from a culture and tradition that automatically enforces any insubordination of the senses. So I’m likely not to miss out on anything of importance. Like a surgeon wielding a scalpel on the operation table, I boast the expertise to dissect the psyche of an individual. Probe their weakness, their natural sense of guilt and anxiety, their quest for answers and yet, I find myself gambling when that person’s mind is yours. 

I often ask myself, who is to say what’s right and what isn’t. A question the honesty permits that I smile at the idea that I may be tempted to answer. Which is absolutely beautiful. I’m given to wonder in my unproductive moments though, was it right to have known you later or was it wrong that I didn’t get to know you earlier. If the second part were to be true, might I have been a better person? Might I have been a more focused person, might I have been a more realised individual? Might I have been calmer a person? It’s like when it is said, the worst thing that can happen to a person is knowing something is going to happen and you have not a clue, not when and not where. In essence, you keep speculation as for the master. If I’m to answer, I’ll spare myself the agony of speculation, then it would be a definitive yes. And who is to say if I’m right or wrong?

I recently started talking myself a lot about the importance of enjoying the journey. I’m not to be racing towards an end goal at all costs should I, but rather finding my rhythm and a pace that works for me is crucial. Not asking “Am I there yet!?” Notwithstanding, it’s pretty difficult to stay motivated when we’re not seeing radical progress or we’re not quite sure if we are moving in the right direction. It’s tough to not feel like a one flippered seal, just swimming around in a circle. At every junction at every bridge, I always wonder if I’m making triumphant procession. Sometimes reason tells me to despair, hope tells me I will be there. 

We have evolved from diametrically opposite histories, and background and perhaps understanding but now united by comparable necessities. It is possible our respective perceptions are completely world apart. I would not be surprised if our ideological versions are blocks apart. But that’s why I say, bring the milk and I bring the sugar. Oh, on a second thought I believe it would be far-fetched to imagine I can bring the sugar. So I’ll bring the milk, you bring the sugar. Honestly, I believe you are naturally sweet; thy soul, mind and body. Whatever you decide though, I won’t cry for this is an ordinary world and somehow I have to find that sweetness, I have to survive if I don’t. But you must understand that you will always be special to me, you will always be my friend. 

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