Life, Humility And The Beautiful Dilemma. 

I remember when I tried to focus my energy in understanding the smaller things in life. I promised to do my very best to understand the validity of the answers I was likely to receive. And to respect and accept the difference in the instance my answers or thoughts were any different. I must admit the fact that I feel clear about many things now. The way they are and how I do my stuff. My priorities and my supposed imaginations and my relationship with the world and the fact that I live in the world. I understand that it’s not just my world it’s our world. And now I’m equally ready to embrace that important detail. What scares me though is my level of progression. It doesn’t seem like I am. Especially in the aftermath of happenings that I feel uncomfortable about. It’s more like a retreat to the unknown unknowns, something I find very much disturbing. What perhaps more distressing is that I have allowed myself to fill with thoughts that clutter my mind and diminish my perception. Imagine yourself a member of the team on the high platform. And you presented the sole opportunity to convince your audience on your understanding of the world. A task I swear would be beyond my expertise and is quintessential to a game of hunting sharks. The difficulty to myself underlies the fact that my answers will always be the same and my explanations worse than a self inflicting injury and a pin scratch in the lungs. Perhaps a taste of what I say would suffice. I always refer life with the most unsavoury words. But this has never changed for the reason that I have formed it into a belief. I say life is a sneaky little bastard. 

Like I said, this world is ours and it’s not about me anymore. I know I’m a little obsessed with everything, probably I love myself more. It’s about someone else though, I’m just an insignificant little thing in the entirety of the world. It’s about time to bring into focus the perspective of some person, who is not me. So I got this for everyone. When life presents you with a golden pot of honey and customized wine brewed in the 16th century with your name on it. They are all in your destiny and you have to choose one. Life is a beautiful dilemma, when all our choices are the best. We stand by them and get the best out of our decisions. When the past was more than beautiful and you want to hang on, the present is glowing and you can’t possibly feel your eyes when you look, and the future has a scintillating effect on your prospects. When this presents you with an unwitting divergent paradox, whether to live holding on to the past or focus on the dreamworld of the future and somehow you have to live in the present. Live today for us, for the people we treasure, for the things we love, for the stabilisation of our emotions. I believe in aesthetics and the beauty of life, things money can’t buy. Things that are so invaluable. We should live for those moments of pure, silly but absolutely beautiful and packed with lots of emotions. And somehow happiness is interacting with good brains, fate is when you have coinciding interests, conflicting at the core. When likes and preferences couple. Tensions of living and the yearning heed of adverse adventure, somehow that’s when we are experiencing our destiny. And whether we care to admit it or not. Whether we say it loud or not or whether we say it in silence it remains.

And more is definitely better than less, ah, the joy, the incomparable rapture of our emotions is what I would explicitly expound to you. There is the only thing in the world worth striving for; and there is the thing beside which all our hearts and minds and ideas and interests and ideals and all our philosophic tendencies. All our fine words and highly psyched attitudes and imaginations are but frail; happiness . We laugh and tears fill our eyes and our hearts full of memories. The unfortunate truth is however impossible to sweep under the rag. Sometimes we cry in silence and wonder, if we would have just made the right decisions. The best of choices, and what if ? The miles we cover, sometimes we feel the fatigue and we over-adjust . And maybe sometimes it hurts, everything we touch, everything we see, everything we feel and everything we are meant to hear and those we’re not. The conclusions we’re able to draw drives us over to the edge. We work hard and for most of our maiden time we make steps in attempts of change. And many times when there isn’t any at the fore, we run wild tripping over stones, beating up the white powdery dust believing that we are searching for an exit. But I say wait, all the choices we make are more than better. The thing is we should look keenly to it that we steer the actions resulting from them, seizing hold of that which they can offer and be content and confident in them. Ah, yes happiness. The ecstasy, the joy, the ultimate reward for the opposite of the sole disadvantage of human beings; disappointment. The highest and the most profound and refined emotion to which humans can possibly attain.

As a reminder though being human is beautiful, having a human body and a human mind doesn’t make us more human nonetheless. We do little things here and there, keep doing them the common good, I call it utilitarianism. It’s what makes every person human somewhat. And everyday in life we may set out to focus on the wrong things unknowingly and maybe unwillingly, those things we yearn for, those things we gain or rather we want to gain from other people. Only if we look without discretion that we realise this is where we lose it, where we miss the object of truth. Life is about the things we do, and we finally will reap that which we definitely put to multiplicity. And It’s the outcome of our doing that distinguish us from the homo erectus, home habilis (aka, the handy man) and what not, and the quality of what we do that proves our legitimacy in relation to existence. Before you embark on a journey, ask yourself with utmost sincerity, is it going to prove your humanity or your humanly. 

Hmm, so now that we are all humans as I suppose. Let’s do some catch up. Our relationship with the world and all that’s in it, is predicated on our perception and assumptions. But assumptions are common to flawed conclusions and wrong conclusions is to mistakes. We may despise beggars or maybe just sometimes. As the cliche, when you lie down with a dog you come out with fleas. You see a beggar and what he does tells you who he is. I’m not easily surprised though I have to admit that I get a little confused at variable lengths and situations as well. Ironic cheers though, sometimes I’m impressed by the strange relationship between what I really think and somewhat how my mind has been fashioned to confuse the same. But I have learned never to confuse what I have been taught by the world. “The princes and the beggar.” She was standing next to a beggar. And the beggar was given something to eat and then she noticed the most extraordinary thing. There was a dog near the beggar. Instead of keeping the food for himself, he shared his food with the dog. When asked he said. ” I at least can beg, but the dogs can’t beg so I have to help him.” You see, even the beggars have manners and understanding. There always seems to be something in everything. And to resonate with the world I would love to punch in a few words. It never hurts to get a second opinion about other people, holding the mirror I would say. So if you didn’t do that yesterday, you don’t do it tomorrow. You just do it today, it’s the small things we do. Life is stranger than anything, life can invent.

My mirror is high enough and I can see my level of respect and acknowledgement of diversity. Arguably though, the ratings are not the best. I find my ideas very strange and I often wonder if I was born in the wrong universe or that I was born with the wrong mentality or that I was just born at the wrong time. I struggle to understand the word perception, at least not what it means but in pragmatic lengths. I find it bordering a region I have limited access in terms of knowledge, skills and experience. I don’t assume things because it’s an impossible mistake. So, I can’t help but notice that doubt is inherently part of me. And that it enganders distrust and distrust spawns disbelief. I believe or at least I want to believe that sometimes it’s not entirely what it seems to be. I often feel and conduct myself as if I am above certain matters. Every day I increasingly become aware that I am not so immune. And in my unproductive moments or less productive; leisure, which I’m always very much aware of it’s scarcity in my strange life. For mostly I spend thinking in my invaluable silence, which is both a tragic mistake and a blessing. In practice, thinking is work and whether it is useful or useless it’s inevitable. I confess to not understanding the fact that I’m only but a riddle wrapped in mystery. The taut bastard I’m, I have overly taken to unfolding the enigma I find myself encapsulated. I’m curious and that curiosity is the devil in me. It makes me every bit adept at committing horrendous mistakes now and again. And it’s obvious that I recognise that myself, for the world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes. I have learned that my isolationist tendencies are decidedly not my best quality. I am far from a better person. To myself it’s always about learning how to be good at being a person and the unfortunate corollary of that, seeing how far from good at being the person I am because of a lack of connection. I always expect nothing, the more reason I have been so exceptional in disregard of certain matters of the world, things that I advise others not to. But I have come to the point where I see that I have to disappoint my knowledge of the self, before I destruct. I’m highly growing in the direction of forming it a habit to care about my new found word “perception,” and it scares me that I actually give a damn. It’s reducing me into a mere psychological cliche. I fight back, hard and unrelenting. A quality that I developed and has kept me a float. I’m an animist too, I believe in all things natural objects having soul, a belief I watch in despair as I crush it mysteriously by self. I look set to hang on despite what haven’t been tranquil moments to hold on to such. I listen with intent and now it’s time to see that I pick. And I pick humility. A gesture of generosity towards others. The virtue that is the opposite of selfishness and vanity, for its not just about me.Life, Humility And The Beautiful Dilemma.


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